I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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