Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
