I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
