i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
