I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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