Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize