I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
