Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
