i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize