Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
