I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
