girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
