you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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