Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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