My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
