i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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