Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
