I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
