Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
