Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
