I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
