I can tuck mytits in my pants
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
