I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
ttyl tear gas
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
