Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
