I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
