Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
