2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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