apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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