just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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