Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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