is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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