i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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