HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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