whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
