On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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