my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
