guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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