Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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