im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
