he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
