so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
