it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
