The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
