In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
