Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
