Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
