K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
