She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
