he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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