You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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