do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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