Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize