So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
