when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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