Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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