3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
