Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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