I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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