I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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