What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
