Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
