I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
