Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize