the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
