Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
